Beautiful Soul spuffy song fic
by ICantBelieveImNotButter
Summary: Buffys ready to admit her feelings. what could have happened after we left spike on the cross in beneath you. AU
1. Default Chapter

Beautifull Soul (Spuffy song fic) 

Title: Beautiful Soul Author: rieka Email: Category: Spuffy all the way. Spoilers: None seeing as Buffy has ended...everyone take a moment of silence now.  
Rating: M15+ (same as the show)  
Setting: season seven. My idea of what could have happened after we saw spike on the cross in beneath you. so its sort of AU i guess Summary: Buffys ready to admit her feelings Authors Notes: this story is based lightly around the song "beautiful soul" by Jesse McCartney. Because its in my head and I cant get it out! enjoy. ps. i stared writing this at 2am so im sorry if something doesnt make sense of if the grammer or spelling is wrong (not that im great at that stuff anyway)  
Disclaimer: none

"...Can-can we rest now? Buffy...can we rest?"

Buffy was frozen in her spot. She couldn't speak. She could barely move, and was finding it hard to breath. She was numbly aware that she had tears falling down her cheeks as she watched the...vampire? demon? man? lay himself bare. not just to her but for all who would dare to stop and look.

The smell of burning flesh brought her back to her senses. She rushed over to where he was slumbed against the huge cross.

"Spike?" her voice quivered with her emoitions.

He didn't answer. He didn't even make any movement to say that he had heard her or even egknowledged that she was now standing next to him.

She spoke again, her voice louder and stronger this time. Although she still couldn't hide her emotions. "Spike! Get off that damn cross NOW!"

Again he did not move. But he did speak. "I need rest" He wispered

She went to pull him off herself, but when her hand touched his flesh, he jumped back of the cross and flew himself backwards. Almost trying to get as far away from her as possible.

"No...Can't...I...I'm bad...Dont want to...Cant..." he rambled. ignoring the pain the she knew he must be feeling. both the emotional pain of having to bare this to her and the pysical pain of being on the cross.

She wanted to cry out when he moved away from her with such force and she woundered if she should even atempt to go near him now.

He wasn't making sense again, although this time it wasnt so suprising. He had a soul. He had gotten a soul. For her. A romantic gesture in any way. Even if the reason was selfish. No one had ever done anything so...beautiful just for her, to be with her. His earlier words, his explination burned through her. She had done this. She had reduced the once Bad ass, slayer of slayers, william the bloody to this...this heap of emoitional reckage.

She took a step towards him and he flinched so she stopped herself.

"Spike. I..." she didnt know what to say. what do you say to someone who gives up everything for you? "...sorry" she wispered.

He started laughing. not his usual laugh that was snaked with his sarcasim of trademark smirk. no this was the kind of laugh that sent shivers through her. it wasnt quit evil yet it was far from good. Bone chilling and creepy.

he stopped laughing and spoke, But not to her, like he had done down in the basement. "Says shes sorry" he laughed again. "Stupid girl. didnt do anything to be sorry for" he turned to look into her hurt, sad and fearful hazel eyes and spoke to her for the first time since leaving the cross "Not you"

It was cryptic and Buffy was not thinking straight right now. she needed him to make sense so that she could make sense of the situation.

"Spike. Please" she begged as she walked towards him once more. to her joy he did not move away so she kept walking until she was at his side. "whats not me?" it was the only thing she could think of to say to him. she had already asked him why and how he got his new soul so this was the only other thing she could think of

"Not your fault" he replied. tears brimed in his bright blue eyes and his voice cracked with emotion as he continued "Mine. All mine. I tried to...I hurt you. My slayer" tears fell from his eyes and his voice was filled with self hating for what he had done in her bathroom. "Im a bad bad man"

"Spike?" she croaked out but it was barely audiable.

the urge to touch him became to much and she knelt down beside him and slowly and gently touched his cheek with her fingertips. she looked into his soulfull eyes. biting on her bottom lip to keep it from shaking she spoke.

"Your Wrong" she told him, shaking her head slightly "It is my fault. All of it. If I hadnt...If I didnt..." she broke off as another wave of raw emotion hit her.

"Don..."

"No. let me say this" She said stopping him from making a speech. it was her turn. she took a deep and shakey breath. "I was so horrable to you last year. I beat you. I used you. I toyed with you..."

"Didn't mind" he cut in. however there was no hint of sarcasm. no smirk on his lips. just the blank statment.

"Yes you did" she said back. "You always did. I just refused to see it. to think that all you wanted was my body. that you could live without the rest of me. But I cant anymore"

He went to say something again but the shake of her head stopped him.

"I cant pretend. And im sorry I ever did" her voice broke at that point and she stopped. she moved away from him, just like he had moved away from her only minutes ago. She was shaking with the effort to keep from crying. "I did this. I pushed you to this" she stated gestering his state. "Im the bad one here spike...I'm so so sorry"

"Don't cry" he managed to say. he crawled over to her and looked at her like he had never seen her before. "didn't do it so you'd cry" he told her.

she looked up at him and smiled slightly. "Can't help it" she replied "how could you spike?"

"Love you" was all he said back

"I know" she said softly and it was his turn to smile slightly. "Thats why it hurt so much"

"What?" he asked

"When you...tried to...do what...you almost... I used to need to know how you could do that to me? after you kept telling me you loved me. how could you hurt me like that?"

"didnt know. didnt know what was going on" he confirmed

"I know that too" she replied

"dont need to know now?" he asked refuring to her past tense

"I know now" she said "Like I said before its all 'coz of me. I was a stone cold bitch last year. And you seemed to get the most of it. I could have stayed away from you, could've ended it sooner. but i didnt. i led you on. teased you. then tossed you away. I drove you to that night spike. and im sorry...william" she said is givin name so softly, almost like a prayer on her lips.

"says my name" he says distantly smiling at her.

"yeah" was all she could say in return.

they sat there, in silence for what felt like centuries. only when buffy became aware of how close it was ro sunrise did she break the silence.

"We should get you home" she said as she stood up. she held her hand out to him but he refused to take it "Spike? please..."

"Don't have one" he said, pushing her hand away

"one what?" she asked, wiping her tears away roughly with her palms.

"Home"

"Oh. what about the school?" she asked. however she didnt think that a right home for anyone. ecspecially spike.

"its there" he replied

"what is?"

"the thing beneath, beneath you. both beneath you we are. tells me so"

"Your not beneath me spike" she told him firmly "he...she...Its wrong. okay. you have to stop listening to it. listen to me okay"

"But he wont leave. I have no place to go"

"with me. you can go with me. c'mon im taking you home before the sun comes up"

"No" he shook his head stubornly.

Buffy grabed his shoulders, avoiding the burns and lifted him to his feet. his strength left him and he was about to sink down to the floor again, but thankfull for her slayer strength she was able to stop him. She wrapped one arm around his waist and put one of his arms over her shoulders.

"You. Are. coming. home. with. me" she grunted out as she draged him across the room.

"why?" was all he could ask

"you need to be taken care of. Im going to take care of you"

she led him out of the church. keeping to the shadows incase the sun came up without her noticing.

Spike was quite the whole time. thinking that this was all a dream or at the very least that she would do what she always did and run off and leave him. but she didnt. she held him and helped him to walked out into the streets of sunnydale.

The sun was just peeking over the horizon when they made it to her front door.

Buffy struggled to open the door while still holding the vampire. When she had the door open, she was immediantly jumped by her younger sister.

"Buffy where have you been? Xander said you ran off? What happened? where did you go?" Dawn blabbled. she had yet to notice the wounded vampire that her sister was leading into the house.

"Dawn please just close the door. the suns coming up" buffy said to her sister as the draged spike over the threshhold. thanking whoever that she hadnt put up another barrier to stop him from coming in.

Dawn looked confused but then she took in spike. his injuries and his posture. closing the door she asked "What happened to him?"

Buffy sat spike down on the stairs. he was exausted so his body fell limbly against the railings. Buffy patted his cheek and he closed his eyes, ready for sleep.

Turning back to her confused sister, buffy replied. "there was..." she paused and looked down at spikes burns "...an accident" she looked back at dawn "he needs somewhere to stay. for a while"

"but buffy he... you know. how could you let him stay here?" her sister asked

truth be told buffy was asking herself the same thing. Spikes words from the church once again came into her mind. and she looked at the, what she assumed to be sleeping man, on her stairs as she replied "why does a woman do what she mustn't? for him. to be good for him"

dawn stared at her sister and her confusing answer "what?" she asked

remembering that dawn had no idea what she was talking about. she shook her head and turned back to her sister. "I need to help him, dawnie. I just...do"

"Okay" dawn replied and walked past spike on her way to bed. "But dont get all bitchy and offensive when it blows up in your face"

Watching her sister storm off, buffy sighed. this was never going to be easy. she knelt down infront of spike and thought about how to wake him up. there was no way she was going to attempt to carring all of his weight. Normally she would throw things at his head, but he didnt deserve that now. never really did. "Spike?" she called out softly "wake up"

he didnt open his eyes so she tried again. "william please"

that did it. slowly his eyes opened and focussed on hers. "thats twice" he said "twice you've said my name" he smiled at her.

she smiled back then went to help him up again "come on sleeping beauty. lets get you to bed"

he willingly stood up. but when she started leading him up the stairs he panicked.

"Oh no, no, no" he protested and tried to get away from her.

"what? what is it?" she asked

"not there. bad bad man. not there" he mumbled and went to go back down the stairs.

buffy grabbed his arm and stopped him. "spike" she said firmly "stop it. We are not going anywhere near the bathroom. well your not. your going straight to bed"

"your bed?" he asked

"yeah my bed" she told him "c'mon then"

he didnt protest, just let her take him whever. when they past the bathroom he stiffened and fought the erge to pull away from her and run out into the sun. Buffy felt his mood change and nearly ran past the room that held so many horrable memories for the both of them.

once inside her room, she layed him down on the bed then made sure her curtains were completely closed.

"you stay here" she instructed then walked back to the door "i'll be right back"

she left the room and went to get some towles and cool water from the bathroom. she knew it was pointless to try to fix him up. his vampire healing would no doubht see him nearly healed by midday but this was something she had to do. she felt like everything that had happened to him was her fault.

she re-entered her bedroom to find him half laying on the burns. almost as if he was trying not to get comfortable. He was waiting for her to kick him out or something. she walked over to him and placed everything on her dressing table.

"on your back" she instructed with a hand on his shoulder, gently pushing him down.

he was silent and his eyes were closed as she dressed the wound. wincing as the cooled water hit his skin.

when she was done she stood over him and looked down and his scared chest and tired muscles.

"Spike are you sleeping?" she asked. even she knew it was a stupid question. was he going to say yes to her in his sleep.

"no" he replied and opened his eyes "cant. not in this house. to many memories"

"i know" she agreed "for me too" she ran a fingertip over his cheek bones. his eyes shut again and he took in an un-needed breath. "so much as gone on here. too much pain and not enought joy. I found out my sister wasnt really my sister. my mother died here and i found her. just lying there. tara was killed here. i nearly died here and..." she trailed off and looked away from him

he grabed her hand and stopped its movements on his face. "...and i tried to rape you" he finished for her

her head snapped back around and she looked at him "yes that too. there so much that happened in this house. so much bad that its hard to focus on the good"

"i get it" he replied "bit like the whole redemption thing. always thought angel was a pofter. going on about how hard it was to find peace after...everything. But it is hard"

"you'll find it. redemption i mean. both you and angel. you've both done so much. and you even before you got your soul" she told him. she didnt want to compare him to angel but she had no other choice

"doesnt work like that luv. I could save hundreds of thousands of people. kill nearly every evil demon that walked this earth but...but all that wouldnt even make up for one life that i've took. diffenetly doesnt make up for what i did to you"

"No, no dont mention that. ever again" she said firmly yet her tone was soft. "im going to be patiant with you spike. i wanna see the man you became when i left, and i wanna see him grow into the man you could be. the man you will be"

"why?" he asked "why treat me like a man now and not a monster? and if its cos of the soul then i dont want your pity"

"its not pity" she said defensively "and its not just cos of the soul, well that is a big part of it but...you've always been a man in my eyes spike. or at least ever since you proved that you loved me"

"dont lie" he said "you treated me like the monster i am. even you said so"

"i know. i just... i dont know...i was in denial or something. like if i came out and was all like 'spikes not an evil vampire anymore' then i would have to admit that what we were doing last year was okay. and i didnt want that" she looked away again and breathed "im sorry for that"

they were silent again for a few moments. buffy was barely aware that it was now 7.30 and dawn would have to get up to go to school soon.

"when?" he asked out of the blue

"when what? she asked confused by the question.

"when did i prove that i loved you?" he asked smiling slightly "always thought you said it was all a load of rubbish"

"i know" she smiled back "i guess if i think about it now, ive always known. but i think the thing that really did it for the first time was when you let glory beat you. you could have easily given dawnie up but you didnt. and i never thanked you for that"

"that kiss was enough" he replied

"still you should here the words. every word. im sick of hiding everything or trying to show what i mean by actions. its not fare. so thank you. for everything. your help. your love..." she paused and rested her hand inches above his chest where his heart should be "...your soul"

"thought it'd make you love me" he confessed "make you want me. make me be what you needed. but this isnt what you deserve, buffy. not me. i see that now"

"dont say that" she shushed him "you are what i need. you are so special spike. to me. your always faithful, to me and my friends even when we give you no reason to be. you've always been what i needed" she told him

"you still deserve better" he said

"there is nothing better" she replied "i've seen your heart. and its perfect. your soul all of you"

"do you know what your saying pet?" he asked looking at her sternly "if this is just because of the soul and everything thats happened then stop talking. otherwise you'll regret it.

"i told you its not the soul" she snapped. annoyed at his stuboness. yet she could only blame herself. she had never given him any reason to think she'd might be nice and caring towards him. she took a deep breath and continued calmly "i dont need to think it over, i know what im saying. im moving forward away from the mess that was us last year. give me a chance to explain. i have to. to ease my mind. im so confused spike."

"thought i was the one not making sense?" he half joked

she ignored him and continued "you make me feel things that i've never felt before. and they terrify me. it nearly drove me crazy last year, wanting you so badly but always holding a bit of myself back from you. the important part. I know you wanted me... hopefully still want me and i know how much it hurt you every time i left. i made you cry so many times in the past, made you question wether i was ever there with you and im sorry. i dont want to do that anymore. i was there with you. every time. i never thought about being with someone else" she said making sure not to say any names like angel.

"Were you really there?" he asked in disbeliefe

"yes" she nodded her head softly "always with you. only you"

"thought it was one sided" he addmited

"thats what i wanted you to think. i was so ashamed for that. it made me just as bad as every evil thing out there" she said as she sat down on the bed by his side.

he turned slightly to look at her better. "you nothing like them" he told her firmly

"i know. but it made me feel that way. putting you through all of that. im sorry" she apologized

"i forgive you. always" he replied

"spike?" she asked after another silence

"yes?" he answered

"do you...do you still want me?" she asked her question softly and he had to strain just to hear it. even with vampire super hearing

"always" he replied simply. "but that doesnt matter"

"why not?" she asked slightly hurt

"i'll always love you. always want you. but i know that you dont feel the same and even if you did which in my dreams you do, i know i cant be everything you need. i'd just waste your time. keep you from the light"

"i thought you said i belonged in the dark?" she asked "with you"

"selfish of me that was" he said "i wanted you to see the way i do. see you at your worst and best. but...but its all the same. your gorgeous in both light and dark places. but you can only shine in the light. without me" he added the last bit with so much regret and saddness.

"i've learnt alot about myself these past few years. what being the slayer means. what being me means. and ive realised that i cant stay in the dark and i cant stay in the light. i need both. a healthy balance. i need to know what you feel?" she asked

"i love you. thats how i feel but..." he said but she cut him off with a finger against his lips

"then thats it. i dont want to hide anymore spike" she said looking directly into his eyes.

"theres something better out there for you. better then me" he said sadly, half not wanting to believe what she was saying.

ready to make him understand, she gently took his face in her hands and held him lovingly.

"I don't want another pretty face" she said while caressing his cheek bones "i dont want just anyone to hold. i dont want my love to go to waste anymore. its sufercatting me. i dont want to have to work on a relationship. you're the one i wanna chase, you're the one i wanna hold. no one else" she paused and stopped her movements then continued with nothing but love in her voice towards the man lying on her bed "i love you spike. with all that i am and then some. and i will not let another minute of what we have go to waste"

spike felt his heart leap into his throught, even if it wasnt there. he wanted to say it back, wanted to move, to do anything but he couldnt. tears came to his eyes and he tried to blink them back but with no luck.

she leaned forward so that her forehead rested against his. looking deep into his bright blue loving eyes she said "i want you and your beautiful soul" before kissing him.

spike wrapped his arms around her and pulled her ontop of him. the pain of his burns forgotten as he kissed the women he loved, the women who loved him back.

her words burned into his mind. "i want you and your beautiful soul" forever.

The End

please let me know what you think. this is the first story ive ever finished. cos its short but still, good on me. please tell me if its good, crap anything bye. 


	2. IMPORTANT NOTE

**IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE**

**Hey everyone,**

**I'm sorry to get your hopes up but this is not an update on the story. The sad news is that I will not be continuing my stories here. Because of a certain thing that has happened I no longer have any respect for this site. So what I am going to do is post my stories on my LiveJournal accounts (links are on my profile page.) My account here will remain until I have transferred each story to LiveJournal. After that I will be deleting this account and will no longer be posting here.**

**I am sorry for the inconvenience this causes anyone. If you have any comments, or you want to know more please email me at - shadedcolouredlights(at)y7mail(dot)com**

**This is sad for me but I can't help how I feel. It will probably take me a long time to post all my stories on LJ because I rarely go on the computer any more. I just wanted to let you all know what was going on.**

**Thank you everyone who has favored/alerted me or my stories. Your reviews have always meant a lot to me. I hope that some of you will continue to read my storie on LJ. If you know any other place I can post my stories please let me know.**

**ICantBelieveImNotButter.**


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